A human-doing

I met Mike recently.  He’s connected with one of the leisure activities I enjoy.  On first meeting Mike informed me that he had just been on a course.  The course was for six days and consisted of 15 hour days.  Mike scoffed at how some of the other participants on the course had taken power-naps.  He bragged how he hadn’t needed one himself.

The second time I met Mike he told me how he had been for a long walk at 5.30am that morning, then for a spa and swim (all before breakfast).  Mike teaches 6 days and 5 evenings a week.  Relaxation and rest are for  light-weights in his mind.  Mike is a human-doing.  He finds it impossible to just ‘be’.  When I look into his eyes I see a man who wouldn’t know how to evan spell ‘inner peace.’  He is 180 degrees away from his true self.  The only way that he can obtain any kind of self-esteem is by his ‘doing’.  Without that he would feel worthless.

So when did I become such a specialist on people like Mike?  Well if you can spot it you’ve got it.  Or in this case if you can spot it you’ve had it and are recovering.

I used to be that human-doing too.  Always pushing myself.  No relaxation.  Rest was a four lettered word.  No self-care.  I ran my life in fourth gear and then God stepped in.  I was handed a tsunami in the form of a chronic illnesses and made to rest.  I was made to re-evaluate my life and ordered to learn how to just ‘be’.  I am now a human-being and no longer a human-doing.  I turned 180 degrees and came back to who I was meant to be.  It’s a long journey home.  A tough journey back.  But it’s great to be here.  I no longer need to be ‘there’.  I’m no longer beating myself up, giving myself a hard time.  I live in being-kind-to-myself time now.  Life isn’t always easy and still has it’s challenges but I’m kind to myself now and have learned to treat myself with respect; the way I treated others.

A human-doing has got it so wrong.  There is a healthy way of living.  It’s called balance.  When we find it we become a human-being.  I hope Mike gets it.  I hope he finds peace.

Do you want to be good or whole?

There are so many inspiring teachers who shared their ideas with us in the 20th century.  One of my personal favourites is Carl Jung.  I was introduced to his work 15 years ago whilst on a counselling course.

Carl left us with much food for thought.  ‘What lies behind us is nothing compared to what lies within us.’  Is a wonderful quote.

Jung said something very mind-provoking when he asked ‘Do you want to be good or do you want to be whole?,  He then added ‘I want to be whole.’ 

I’m with  you on that Mr Jung.  For the first 42 years of my life I decided to be good.  Dr John Sarno calls people who choose to be good; goodists.  I had a black belt in being a goodist.  I felt that if I was always good I wouldn’t wind anyone up, wouldn’t hurt anyones feelings or feel the wrath of  their tongue.  Boy was I misguided!

I grew up in an enviroment where I was taught that my extended family deserved to be put before me.  It didn’t matter what actions they took or how much they irritated me I had to put their needs before my own.  I bit my tongue so many times at their bad treatment of me but because I was choosing to be ‘good’ I thought I was doing the right thing.  I continued this way of being in all of my realtionships.  I became a submissive person.  I never got my needs met and didn’t know how to be whole.

I am now 45 years old and I am whole.  I am in touch with my true self.  I no longer believe that anyone else’s needs are more important than my own.  By being whole I am being good.  I am being the full expression of who I truly am.  I haven’t been put on this earth to be a doormat.  We are all children of God and there are no spare parts.  We all have personal power and it is a sin to give it away to another.

So Mr Jung; Do I want to be good or do I want to be whole?  I want to be whole.

Let your soul be your pilot

Living in the north east of England is very different from being part of the metropolis that is London.  We don’t have huge parks or museums of vast quantity and going to the theatre isn’t a regular occurance here.  But we do have a few feathers in our flat caps.  Billy Elliot was filmed here, Newcastle Brown Ale is drunk here in vast amounts.  The dynamic duo better known as Ant and Dec were made here as was Cheryl Cole.  But our dearest export was a man born with the name Gordon Sumner.  You might know him better as Sting.  Sting was the blond, gravel-voiced singer with the 80′s Rock Band The Police.  They sang the soundtrack to mine and many other teenagers lives.  When Sting went solo he proved himself to be a modern day Rumi.  Lyrics to songs like Fields of Gold and desert rose are haunting.  My personal favourite is Let your soul be your pilot.  Eight years ago when I became very ill with a neurological/autoimmune illness I was told there was no cure and no guarantee that I would recover.  After more than four years of living with severe symptoms and no sign of improvement I found a Doctor who showed me that if I let my soul take over and take the journey back to my true self I would get well.  So I let my soul be my pilot.

Psychologists tell us that we have two minds; our conscious mind and our sub-conscious mind.  Our conscious mind will be known as head-mind for the purpose of this blog.  Buddhists refer to it as the chattering monkey.  If we listen to it and allow it to run our lives we will always be who we ‘think’ we should be and make decisions that don’t serve who we truly are.

If we tune in to our essential self (the body-mind) we will live from a place of authenticity and truth.  We’ll make choices that reflect our true needs.  Our personality and soul become aligned and we show up as the person we really are.  We take off our masks and put down all pretence.  This allows us to be free.  Our body loves it when we get real and rewards us with good health and well-being.

We no longer stay in relationships, situations or any other place that doesn’t ‘feel’ right.  We no longer care about what ‘they’ may think about us.  We no longer sell our soul and words and phrases like ‘should’ ‘what will they think’ and ‘I don’t want to but……’ go out of the window.

Children know exactly how to listen to their soul but as Adults we often loose that ability and the soul shrapnel that we accumulate over the years alters our judgement and vision and we live our lives from the wrong mind.  We live with head-mind (our social self) in the driving seat.

We need to allow ourselves permission to ‘feel’ our way back to who we truly are.  For so many of us we have moved 180 degrees away from who we are.  But the good news is that we were alway waiting for ourselves to return.

When MichelAngelo created statues like David and Moses he was asked ‘How did you create such perfection?’  He replied that God had already created the statue and all he had to do was chip away at what wasn’t needed.  Thats the same with us.  We need to take away the soul shrapnel; drop the shoulds, musts and have-to’s and become who we authentically are; it’s a journey worth the effort.  We are waiting for ourselves to show up.

My First Blog

Thanks for taking the time to read my very first Blog – I really appreciate it.  I know that in order to gain a profile for my writing career it’s essential to have a blog so that people can get to know me and my writing.  Like most people who get to have 40-something candles on their birthday cake I’ve had some pretty interesting vistas in my life so far and it feels like the perfect time to share them with others.  I hope that some of the soul shrapnel that I’ve endured can shine some light on the lives of people going through similar life experiences.  Our biggest lesson in life is to have our personality align with the truest part of who we really are.  Our internal sat nav is always working and I hope this blog can help you leave your ‘head’ which is full of shoulds, musts and have-to’s at home and connect with who you really are – the highest expression of yourself.  Let’s get inspired together and become who we truly are.

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